Blue Rose
by sat-anpu
Summary: Snake reflects on who he was and who he is now. Starring Solid Snake, with some references to other characters; one-shot; takes place post MGS 4; has spoilers-please review!


Summary: Solid Snake reflects upon who he was and who he is now. (NOTE: There WILL be SPOILERS from MGS 4 and other past MGS games)

Setting: Post Metal Gear Solid 4, when Snake retires with Sunny and Otacon to some unnamed location.

Rating: K+ for some language

Starring: Solid Snake, with some references to Sunny, Otacon, and Meryl.

Author's Note: So, I began playing the Metal Gear Solid games a few weeks ago. I fell in love with them and the characters, but since finals and now work, I have little time to complete even MGS 2. :/ I love spoilers galore, so I began researching on the characters' biographies to learn about the different plots in other MGS games I haven't played yet. I was kind of iffy about jumping right into an MGS fan-fic because I find the characters difficult to write and incredibly complex, especially Solid Snake. I'm disappointed about the whole Meryl-Snake relationship because I felt that between MGS 1 and MGS 2, it completely down-turned and there were no real explanations as to why they stopped living together. It seems rather obvious to me considering the story line for MGS 2. And then Meryl gets married to Johnny in MGS 4 (seriously, wtf?) and that leaves even more unanswered questions as to the relationship that Snake and Meryl had. Personally, I wouldn't marry Johnny. :3

So, I managed to write this in about 10 minutes. The idea came to me when Snake called himself a blue rose at the very end of the game (MGS 4). Loving flowers, metaphors, and symbolism, I just had to jump onto the rocket to let this idea launch. I have no idea why the hell I wrote this or what even most of it means. You might be completely confused as I am but you can interpret the inner-monologue in whatever way you want. I think this is a bad piece of writing and I quite frankly, find it terrible. I think Snake is OOC, but I tried my best to write him in first person view. So I'm sorry if I didn't capture him perfectly. He is a very odd character. So enjoy, and provide constructive criticism in reviews. I'm probably planning to do more several MGS fics in the future, so I guess this one is a "test drive." I do love Big Boss more than any other character, so I'm hoping to write about him one day. I like reviews if they are constructive. Enjoy.

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**Blue Rose**

A Metal Gear Solid Fan-Fic (Set after MGS4)

I don't believe in beauty. I was a prime example of a rabid animal, not capable of doing anything else other than killing. I'm a walking biological weapon, or was. But now I'm just me. At least, I think I am an individual rather than a tethered dog that follows orders. I have little time left to live, but I still get this addictive feeling that I need to follow orders and be chained to lead my masters to the hunt. I want to escape again because staying in one place poisons my mind and I hate being controlled by my mind poisoning. I was tempted to jump out of the window and run into the wilderness again, like I did when I left Meryl so long ago.

For the first time in my life, I found myself regretting what I did to her, how I loved her, how I avoided her, how I neglected her. Hell, I never regretted anything because I only believed in the "here and now." But since I wasn't capable of going to far off places due to my rapid aging, I was now forced to stay stuck in one place and think about these things. I was now forced to regret. Meryl definitely deserved someone better than me, and Johnny truly loves her. I'm for once, happy that she found somebody she could be with. But deep down inside, if I even have emotions or any feelings left for anyone other than myself, there is this lingering ache that will be with me until I die.

Despite all my loneliness, Sunny and Otacon were here with me. But as much as I wanted them to be here, I also wanted to be left alone. Leave the snake to shed his skin, so to speak, and don't disturb him. I was the shadow but Sunny was bright and alive, yet despite all the hardships in her young life, she always recovered. I would never recover. I would wither and die, a blue rose that signified a life lived in the shadows and devoid of nourishment from the sun.

I swore at one point I saw a blue rose. I still can't recall where I saw one or even when, but I know I saw one. I want to believe that blue roses are beautiful, that they are bound to exist somewhere. All around me I can only recall bloodshed but amidst the spilled entrails and dying soldiers, a blue rose remained untainted. It was probably something I saw in a dream, or maybe it was real. The realization dawned upon me that among all the death, the blue rose had kept its eerie delicacy. Perhaps this was, in effect, me. Only difference is that I don't believe in beauty, but that I'm an oddity, as this blue rose was.

Sleeping turned into insomnia. I could no longer find any rest. Otacon became worried, asking me if everything was alright. Well damn, as if everything is supposed to be okay for me? Nothing ever was okay for me. But I did the best to lie and say nothing was wrong. He mostly left me alone because I stated I really just wanted to be left alone. One night, I decided I had enough. I still had enough strength in me to sneak out of the second-story window and fall to the ground. I nearly threw out my back though.

I had no idea where I was going, but snakes always go in whatever direction they want to go. I don't know why I left again or why I had to leave again. This lingering though of Meryl began chewing away at my…emotions. I quickly dismissed them, shaking my head. I felt like I had to retire from retirement, if even such a concept exists. Or maybe, I was just escaping into the wilderness to go and die. I'm so damned foolish, but they don't understand me. I ran in no direction, but I thought I saw a blue rose again. I lost breath quickly because I was running and I tripped, falling face first into the ground, a few inches away from this peerless flower. I stared and stared at this rose, not bothering to get up. A new revelation arose within me, reminding me of my true identity.

For once and only once, I just want to be David again.


End file.
